Being Unapologetically You: Why It’s So Healing to Your Soul and How Breath Work Can Help
by Paulina Xenia, Guest Writer
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This is advice on being unapologetic in who you are and how breath work and mindfulness help nourish that authentic part of your soul. Guest writer Paulina Xenia is a transformational coach who changes people’s lives from the inside out.
What does it mean to be unapologetically yourself?
Being unapologetically you means becoming conscious of the pursuit of yourself, stripping back all the layers of who society taught you to be, and truly opening up to your true self.
In the journey of becoming unapologetic it’s not like you’re becoming someone different, it’s about you no longer feeling the need to hide or be who you think other people want you to be, and it’s about you no longer holding yourself back from fully expressing yourself due to the fear of being judged.
Being unapologetic is about validating yourself and being so accepting of yourself that you no longer need to seek any outside validation or approval in order to feel good enough or worthy.
It’s our innate human desire to want to be accepted, understood, seen, heard and to feel like we belong. In the early days it was vital to our survival to belong and be a part of the tribe. If you were left outside of your tribe you were vulnerable to many external threats and you faced the risk of starving to death from the lack of food, freezing to death due to lack of shelter, or being eaten up by a predator. This is why still today we feel like we will die if we don’t get accepted by other people. We are so caught up in being the version of ourselves who we think we should be according to everyone else, constantly trying to fit it and seek outside validation and acceptance, so much so that we oftentimes can get lost.
Becoming unapologetically you is an incredible worthwhile journey that allows you to live more freely and fully. When you release the weight of people and their opinions off your shoulders, you begin to live your life differently and it feels liberating. Being unapologetically yourself is the short cut to more happiness, peace and fulfillment in life.
Paulina Xenia enjoying a gorgeous and tasty cup of coffee in peace and joy.
My story to becoming unapologetically me
Growing up with a father figure that had manipulative and narcissistic traits was like constantly walking on thin ice that was just about to break. One minute everything seemed safe and calm, while the next minute felt like hell was just about to break loose. So I learnt to tiptoe through my early life. I learnt to fit into every other person’s frame. I learnt to adjust myself according to the other person’s set of beliefs, thoughts, actions, and perceptions - not to upset, anger, or trigger them in any way.
I became a master shapeshifter and I basically became like a chameleon. I became what people nowadays call a people-pleaser. In the process, however, I lost myself. For years I had no idea who I really was at the core, I had no frame of my own. I had so much conditioning from my caregivers, school, friends, as well as what society had taught me. I had so much conditioning I had taken on as my own truth. The moment I became conscious about the conditioning holding me back and when I decided to address it was the moment I finally became free.
One thing I constantly heard growing up was that I was too much and too loud. This resulted in me always trying to tone it down. I wanted to be liked by everyone and to feel like I belonged. Heck, who doesn’t want that!? So for a long time I went above and beyond trying to please other people and trying to make sure everyone liked me.
In my late 20s, however, I realized that me being different, standing out and being too much or too loud at times was actually my true authentic self. I realized that it was impossible to be liked by everyone, and that there would always be someone not liking what I did or not agreeing with what I had to say. I had to learn to be okay with that. I realized that I had nothing to apologize for. I had nothing to be ashamed of. I had nothing to hide. I just had so many sides of myself yet to embrace. I realized that my actions and behaviours triggered some people, not because I was rude, but because they had some unhealed trauma to process within themselves.
How to be unapologetically you
The first step to becoming unapologetically you is to become conscious of all your conditioning. You need to start stripping back the layers of your past conditioning and address your trauma, old wounds, fears, and worries - because all of these hold you back from expressing your true authentic self.
The second step to becoming unapologetically you is to get to know yourself at a core level. Who are you truly, behind the mask that you’re wearing?
The third step is to take off your mask and to fully embrace who you are and to embrace your imperfections and perceived flaws - because these are what make you unique. Rather than trying to please other people and trying to fit in, it’s time to give yourself permission to show all of you. It’s time to shine your light.
Related: Being Who You Were Created to Be through Awareness, Kindness, and Resilience
So, are you ready to take off your mask?
Taking off the mask is about being real and vulnerable, and it’s about you being willing to lose some people in return for your freedom and full expression of self. Because the truth is, when you give yourself permission to shine your light people that have unhealed and unresolved trauma themselves are not going to like it because it triggers a part in them.
They might even try to dim your light, and eventually they will disappear from your life. Whose love would you lose if you were unapologetically yourself? Trust me, you’ll soon gain new, even more fulfilling relationships.
5 Ways to become unapologetic
1. Stop apologizing for who you are and instead own it
Stop saying I’m sorry for talking too much, being too loud, being sensitive, having boundaries, saying no to something, for wanting more in life, and for showing your feelings. Every time you apologize for who you are, you are in essence implying that there is something wrong with who you are.
Apologizing keeps you small and, oftentimes, apologizing for being who you are is an action driven by fear. The reason you're really apologizing for what you just did, said, or thought is because you're afraid it might result in your being rejected, left out or criticized.
Those who care about you and love you will want to know your true authentic self and they will stand by your side, no matter what. By you being unapologetic you allow others to do the same.
Apologizing for who you are is also tied to self-worth and not feeling good enough, which also stems from a wound.
Apologies should be reserved for the moments when you hurt someone or do something you didn’t mean to, not for the moments when you're simply being yourself. Own the shit out of who you are! Own your feelings, thoughts and actions.
2. Choose You
Put yourself first, always. Make your daily decisions for yourself, not to meet anyone else’s needs or wants.
It’s so easy to get caught up with the demands of other people and at the same time lose yourself. Stop pleasing anyone else but yourself. This one is really difficult for many people, as it’s so deeply ingrained in us to be liked and accepted by people.
3. Set healthy and firm boundaries
An important part of being your unapologetic self is setting boundaries and clear expectations. It means you refuse to shape-shift and compromise who you are to conform.
Protect your time and energy, because they are your most valuable assets. You need to fill your own cup first.
Honor yourself so much so that you say no more often to things that don’t light you up. Saying yes when you really want to say no is being dishonest and it sets you up for failure because you'll end up living a life of not being seen and known for who you truly are. We want to go above and beyond for the people we care about - but then we become frustrated and resentful.
Related: See Them for Who They Are - Tips for Nurturing Relationships through Emotional Baggage
4. Get to know yourself on a deeper level
The trick to showing up unapologetically is to know who you are inside and out. Take the time to fully get to know yourself and what really matters to you. No one else but you can find out your values, goals, what you need, want, and what makes you tick.
If you don’t already have a self-care practice, start one in a way that suits you. Breath work can help with this.
5. Work on the fear of being seen, being rejected, and being judged.
Because oftentimes these are what make us hide in the shadows or dim our lights. These fears are keeping us stuck and they are keeping us from showing up as our true authentic selves. These fears oftentimes stem from childhood experiences and societal conditioning. Ask yourself: what are you afraid of by running away from who you are?
You Might Also Like: The Healing Power of Seeing and Being Seen and A Guide to Hearing and Being Heard
Some questions to ask yourself to become unapologetically you:
What do I believe about myself and what do I believe about who I am supposed to be?
What would it look like if I were to be all of me, unapologetically?
If I was myself unapologetically, how would my life look different? How would my interactions with other people look; what would I do on a daily basis? How would my actions be different? How would I feel? Where would I be spending my time?
How will I honor all of me (also the parts I don’t fancy that much)?
Why is being unapologetic nourishing to the soul?
Being unapologetic helps you express your true authentic self. It feels so liberating. It’s like coming home to your soul.
Being unapologetically you is who you were always meant to be in this world.
Because let’s face it: no matter what you do, don’t do, what you say or don’t say - you’ll always be judged either way. So why not make it simple and start living for yourself instead!?
It’s time to start speaking your truth and take the actions that feel aligned with you and to start making decisions based on what you want rather than what you think other people want.
Related: Stepping Into Your Own Power through Energy Healing
Breath work and the ways it can help in the journey to becoming unapologetically you
Breath work has seen a rise in social media during the last decade and it’s become the new self-care trend, but breath work has been around for thousands of years. Breath work is a transformational process and a powerful form of active meditation in which we focus on a specific breathing pattern in order to bypass the critical faculty of the mind and enter into a different state of consciousness. This deeper state of consciousness is where true transformation and healing takes place.
Breath work is a form of detox to the body, mind, and soul. Breath work helps cleanse your body from stagnant energy, repressed emotions and trauma that have been weighting you down. Breath work helps you release all the layers of yourself that you’re not. Breath work allows you to tune inwards and through breath work you’ll become aware of your thoughts, feelings, and patterns that are not aligned with your true essence.
Breath work shows you who you are at your core. It will help you come home to your true self - to the version you were always meant to be. Breath work opens you up to higher states of consciousness and enables you to access a deeper connection to Self, and it can help you get a renewed life satisfaction, contentment, and inner peace and joy.
Through breath work you’ll receive answers to your questions and get valuable insights and downloads about your life, health, finances, work and relationships.
Breath work supports most of the challenges we face as human beings and it reduces stress, anxiety, fear, depression and opens you up to feelings of love, connection, peace and gratitude. Breath work will make you feel super empowered.
You might also like: Super Human Abilities - Hannah Mermaid on Being Human, Being Mermaid, Fantasy, and Activism where she talks about the importance of breathing.
Breath work is an amazing self-care practice that will not only help you release negative emotions, limiting beliefs, and clear energetic blocks, but also simultaneously will help raise your vibration, reprogram your mind to align with your goals and vision, and help you connect with your truth.
If you’re someone who has constant mind chatter and inner dialogue and has a tendency to overthink, breath work is for you because breath work allows you to get out of your mind and into your body.
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About the Author
I’m Paulina Xenia, a transformational coach on a mission to transform people’s lives from the inside out. What began as a journey of self-development and spiritual growth has blossomed into an online business. Years later I now have travelled around the world for years, visiting 50+ countries and helping 100+ people from many different backgrounds transform their lives using hypnotherapy, breath work, and manifestation.
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