A 10-Minute Active Listening Exercise You Can Try Now
By Brandi Fleck
Try this 10-minute active listening practice to build deeper connections, reduce miscommunication, and feel more present in your relationships starting today.
Active listening isn’t just about hearing words—it’s about connection, understanding, and respect. When you practice it intentionally, you strengthen relationships and also help yourself feel more grounded and present. Here’s a simple 10-minute exercise you can try right now with someone you love or even someone you’re hanging out with, whether a long-time friend or an acquaintance.
Once you try this exercise, tell us what happened in the comments!
Step 1: Clear Distractions (2 minutes)
Put your phone face down, close your laptop, or step away from multitasking.
Choose one person to listen to—this can be a partner, child, friend, or even yourself in journaling.
Let them know: “I’d like to give you my full attention for 10 minutes.”
Set a timer for ten minutes, and start.
“If someone comes to you to genuinely connect and talk about something other than a quick hello, give them the attention they deserve.”
-Brandi Fleck, from Your Voice Matters: A Guide to Listening and Being Heard By Others
Step 2: Tune In With Non-Verbal Cues (2 minutes)
As they begin sharing:
Make appropriate eye contact. The appropriate amount of eye contact often depends on if a person is neurotypical or neurodivergent, with more direct eye contact being important for neurotypicals. Feel it out.
Nod or give small verbal affirmations that you mean (“mm-hmm,” “I see”).
Pay attention to their tone of voice and body language.
“Nodding, eye contact, and using verbal affirmations at the right time in the conversation indicates you’re truly listening.” -Brandi Fleck
Step 3: Listen Without Planning a Response (2 minutes)
For these two minutes:
Notice if your mind drifts to what you’ll say next.
Gently bring it back to their words.
Let yourself absorb the meaning behind what they’re saying.
“Instead of thinking about what you want to say, take in what the other person is saying, process it, and sit with it.” -Brandi Fleck
Step 4: Reflect and Respond Thoughtfully (2 minutes)
When they pause:
Repeat back a key point you heard: “So what I hear you saying is…”
Share briefly how their words made you feel.
It’s okay to say: “I’d like to think about that more before I respond.”
“When you finally have your chance to respond… start with saying how what they said made you feel or what you like about it. This is a way to relate while keeping the focus on them and what they said, not a story of your own that may make it seem like you were just waiting for your turn to speak.” -Brandi Fleck
Step 5: Ask Questions (2 minutes)
Wrap up this exercise by asking at least one genuine question.
Examples: “What was that like for you?” or “Can you tell me more about that part?”
This shows you want to understand, not just reply.
“Asking questions is arguably the most important part of active listening because it helps the person take their message even deeper in a way that you can better understand.” -Brand Fleck
Quick Results You’ll Notice
The person you listened to will feel valued and understood.
You’ll likely feel more present, connected, and calm.
If practicing with yourself (journaling), you may notice new insights surface because you’ve slowed down enough to really “hear” your own voice. If you start listening to yourself regularly, this will likely calm your nervous system as well, because you’re building trust with yourself.
This practice takes only 10 minutes, but the ripple effect of truly hearing and being heard can transform your relationships over time.
Want more tools for calming your nervous system and reconnecting with your authentic self? Explore our other practices and interviews on Human Amplified.
Join the conversation!
Feel free to let me know if you have any questions in the comments.
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Hi, I’m the founder of Human Amplified. I’m Brandi Fleck, a recognized communications and interviewing expert, a writer, an artist, and a private practice, certified trauma-informed life coach and Reiki healer. No matter how you interact with me, I help you tell and change your story so you can feel more like yourself. So welcome!
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